2.14.14
I was a young woman, slim (much more so than I was ever in this life) in my late teens/early 20's, with straight brown hair that was cut in a 'bob' just past my shoulders. It seemed that I had a disability to where I was weak in the left side of my body. It seemed it also affected my speech. I am not sure if I was born this way, had a stroke, or was in some sort of accident - but there was a sense that I was getting better and stronger by the day.
The dream was like watching a day in 'my' life and this one was an important day of asserting my independence.
My mother now was my care giver in this dream. She looked like she was still in her 20's or maybe early 30's. She was much heavier than I was in this dream though. Interestingly, even with the differences, I can not help but note that there is much similarity to how I am in this dream to how my mother is now...and visus versus. In this dream though, I got a sense that she was related but more like a sister than a mother to me. It was just her and me in our household. I watched as an observer as we went though the day. I took care of myself pretty much, dressing, bathing, eating, etc...but she was there to assist me when I needed.
What I noticed though was like this was in the future. A lot of the things in the home looked familiar to how homes are now, but there were big differences as well. It reminded me of how things from the past can still be seen and used today, but at the same time there are many things that you would never have seen 50 years ago.
Some of these differences may have been adaptions for my 'handicap' - but I am not sure on that. For example, there was no light fixtures or switches. The room seemed to adjust to these things by itself when you walked in. There was no stand alone refrigerator either. Instead, the refrigeration of food was kept inside the wall, between the counter top and the top shelf area. There was actually a covered recessed area in the wall next to the counter top that stored appliances and the cold storage was recessed in the wall above this and below the upper cabinets. The storage areas ran the whole length of the counter and were divided into sections, so that different things could be stored in different sections. When everything was closed and put away, these storage areas were completely hidden behind the wall and opened with just a very light touch to them. In my dream I remember pulling out a plate of food from one of the cold storage areas, putting it on the table, and then going back to a different cold storage section to get some fruit. Not sure, but I don't recall seeing anything to cook food with in this kitchen area. Everything I ate came out of these hidden refrigeration units.
I then remember seeing us going to a 'car' lot to test drive a vehicle. The vehicle I was looking at was a light jade green color with a white interior. Again, I can not say if the vehicle I was trying out was an adaptation for my 'handicap' but it was not like any car we see now. It was a single person pod shaped vehicle that did not have a steering wheel. Instead the vehicle responded to micro movement from the body with controls also where the hands and feet rest. The interior seat and sides were cushioned with what I would consider to be air bags. When inside, it encased (almost cushioning) the person. There was no door as we think of it either. Instead it was a rounded roof like window that raised up with a light touch of the hand. There didn't seem to be any motor either. If there was, it was hidden under the seat. If fact, it almost seemed that the vehicle may have been powered by my very presence and energy field. There was also no dashboard. The glass window/hood became that when the vehicle was started. It came to life as soon as I sat down into it. There wasn't any noticeable wheels either. I can't say if the vehicle hovered, but it did 'glide.' The vehicle also only required a touch to lock and unlock it.
The main thing we were looking for in this vehicle was to see if I had enough coordination and strength in my muscular reflexes on the left side for the car to 'read'. With determination and excitement, I proved that I did. We decided we liked this vehicle and were going to go ahead and get it for me.
I next remember seeing us back at home later that day. I had over heard my mother (again...she obviously wasn't that in this dream) in the kitchen. She was making sounds that worried me, so I quietly peeked in to see what she was doing. I spied her heavily crying as she pulled out a big plate of food. She then started to gorge herself with the food, as she continued to cry. I felt helpless to comfort her and also terribly sad for her. It was a feeling of seeing her do this yet again to herself...this eating herself to death. I could feel a lifetime of intense stress and worry hovering over her that she couldn't shake. I knew she was doing this becasue she felt I was going to leave her now and she didn't want to loose me.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
The Space In Between
2.4.14
I was hanging out in the bathroom with the tub filling with water for a bath, when suddenly I became distracted with concern that 'others' were soon going to be making their way into my home. I went around the home making sure it was secure when I suddenly remember that I had left the bath water running. By then I saw that the water was beginning to rise very quickly on the floor of the house. I ran into the bathroom. Once there I saw the water had risen to where it was almost to the electrical outlets. I quickly shut the water off and pulled the drain plugs (two of them) and began thinking of how to clean up the water mess.
But before I could do that a male family member came in and told me that 'they' were coming and we needed to hide quickly. We went into my bedroom. In my closest there was a panel in the ceiling, undetectable unless pushed on a certain way, that went up into a secret room. This secret room was like a secret half floor between floors of an apartment style building. We crawled up into the area and pulled the panel back into place. The half floor that we were now in was in itself a complete living enclosure as well. We made our way across the floor to the other side and found another panel. We opened this panel, sent a wooden ladder down, and crawled back down. We then made our way out down a hallway, to a spiral staircase that took us to the ground floor to exit the building.
We almost made it out of the building but were stopped by another friend with over a dozen 'refugees' behind him. Out friend begged us to help him and this group of people, saying 'they' were coming for them and they would all die if we didn't. Somehow I noticed this group of people were what were classified as 'outcast/non white/non aryan' types of people, including one young black man, of which I felt a bit surprised to see.
I couldn't let them die. I heard outside a ruckus, so I quickly herded the group of people back the way we had come. One by one, we shoved each of them into the secret half floor room. One was a mother with a newborn. I remember thinking the baby best not cry or it will be the downfall of us all. I told them, one by one, to be VERY, VERY quiet. My friend and I did not have time to make it up there with them. So, we covered the entrance and wished for the best, with a sinking feeling in our stomachs.
I woke feeling like I had just returned from Nazi Germany.
I was hanging out in the bathroom with the tub filling with water for a bath, when suddenly I became distracted with concern that 'others' were soon going to be making their way into my home. I went around the home making sure it was secure when I suddenly remember that I had left the bath water running. By then I saw that the water was beginning to rise very quickly on the floor of the house. I ran into the bathroom. Once there I saw the water had risen to where it was almost to the electrical outlets. I quickly shut the water off and pulled the drain plugs (two of them) and began thinking of how to clean up the water mess.
But before I could do that a male family member came in and told me that 'they' were coming and we needed to hide quickly. We went into my bedroom. In my closest there was a panel in the ceiling, undetectable unless pushed on a certain way, that went up into a secret room. This secret room was like a secret half floor between floors of an apartment style building. We crawled up into the area and pulled the panel back into place. The half floor that we were now in was in itself a complete living enclosure as well. We made our way across the floor to the other side and found another panel. We opened this panel, sent a wooden ladder down, and crawled back down. We then made our way out down a hallway, to a spiral staircase that took us to the ground floor to exit the building.
We almost made it out of the building but were stopped by another friend with over a dozen 'refugees' behind him. Out friend begged us to help him and this group of people, saying 'they' were coming for them and they would all die if we didn't. Somehow I noticed this group of people were what were classified as 'outcast/non white/non aryan' types of people, including one young black man, of which I felt a bit surprised to see.
I couldn't let them die. I heard outside a ruckus, so I quickly herded the group of people back the way we had come. One by one, we shoved each of them into the secret half floor room. One was a mother with a newborn. I remember thinking the baby best not cry or it will be the downfall of us all. I told them, one by one, to be VERY, VERY quiet. My friend and I did not have time to make it up there with them. So, we covered the entrance and wished for the best, with a sinking feeling in our stomachs.
I woke feeling like I had just returned from Nazi Germany.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
low 2 us
8/31/13
I entered this large hall with a swimming area. It was a stone enclosure that looked 'old'...but wasn't. The pool was clear and had blue tiles in the bottom. I was thinking of swimming but found 9 women already swimming there. Why 9? I do not know. I didn't count them. I just 'knew' there was 9 of them. I also notice that they spanned the age spectrum... but all were older adults, with some being very old.
Not wishing to disturb them, and them not paying any attention to me, I decided to sit down at the end of the pool and meditate instead. I cleared my mind and after a bit I noticed that my body began to feel lighter. I just took this realization in without any surprise or extra emotion. Curious, I looked to my right hand and noticed a spot in the palm. I willed that spot to manifest into the form it should take and then suddenly a plant started to grow from it. I willed it to keep forming and it grew into a lovely lotus blossom. The blossom glowed as if white iridescent light was emanating from it. As it grew, I could feel my body rise from the ground and levitate. The more it grew and blossomed, the higher I levitated and the lighter I felt. I willed the flower back to it's original state, and when I did, my body sat back down on the ground.
I played with this process a few times. That was when I noticed that it felt like something was weighing on my body, pushing me back down, even when the lotus was fully grown. I looked down at my body for the first time and I noticed that a reddish colored, with gold trim mantle, was draped across my left shoulder, over my 'heart' and across my right hip. It too had an iridescent quality to it. Dispassionately, I decided to see what would happen if I lifted the mantle off my shoulder. When I did, it was like my body and spirit was 'naked,' filled with light and I had absolutely no weight at all.
I played with this mantle a few times as well, removing and replacing it. I also did a bit of 'dancing' around and stretching out while I levitated. I realized that at any moment I could entirely remove the mantle, and somehow knew, that if I did...I would have no desire to go back to wearing it. I felt no shame, or really any strong emotions at all, in this process. I determined that this was not the time though to remove the mantle. I replaced the mantle back on my shoulder and willed the flower back into my palm. When doing so, my body settled back on the ground. I got up and left the room....never once stepping into the pool before me.
All this time, none of the other ladies even noticed what I was doing...nor did I care if they did or not.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
A tRIP kNot TaKin
Dream 9-5-12
I was preparing to leave for an
important vacation trip. I thought I had everything ready and
prepared, so I was working at getting those around me ready for the
trip as well. Most wouldn't even listen to me tell them about
important this journey would be for them to take, others made it
clear they weren't going to go, a couple were listening, but they
were very distracted about getting ready. So, I proceeded to try and
move the distracted ones along in getting ready.
When the black bus that was going to take us pulled up to board, I suddenly realized that I had forgotten my ID that allowed me to go on this particular ride. I ran inside to get it but I also had forgotten where I put it. I looked in the closet and found it stuffed so full of all different sorts of jackets and coats I could barely find anything at all. I searched and found my train ID and ran back outside, just in time to see the bus pull away.
Only two of the people I had tried to get ready had managed to board it. The rest were off dilly dallying and not even paying any attention. One of the two that did board was waving out the window, encouraging me to run after the bus, but I was so loaded down with my belongings I could only move very slowly. The person's yelling got the bus driver to slow to a stop for a moment. I realized then that if I wanted to catch that bus, I was going to have to drop my belongings and make a run for it. Just as I was about to do that though the bus started back up and took off, leaving me there...very upset.
I set my things down and crawled into the corner on the front porch to mope.
My grandmother, looking very young (like how she did in her pictures before my mom was even born) came out of the house and scolded me. She told me that if I had paid better attention to my own needs, instead of worrying about everybody else, I would have made that bus. She stated that if the others truly wanted to go they would have done so for themselves and would only have asked for my help IF they had needed it. She also reminded me about how much baggage I was carrying and how I didn't need any of it. She ended it with a 'now get off your duff, get back to work and make sure you are really ready for when the next bus arrives.'
*** In other dreams, when Gramma Grace's presence arrives in the form of a butterfly, a death has occurred soon after. This has happened more than once. This time though, she appeared in person...
September 23, 2012
I was with someone (not sure who) in a thrift/antique/estate sale type store, when I realized that many of things looked familiar. I couldn't place why. In my looking around, I ended up crossing to the left side of the place. I followed some stairs up and then next thing I know, I found myself in someone's home, but it was old, dingy and looked as it had been picked through. I then realized that many of things that were in the thrift store had been pulled out of this person's home. When I went in further to the back part of the home, I saw my paternal grandmother sitting there, looking very old, tired and sad. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that they were selling off all of her keepsakes and that soon nothing much will be left. She was complaining that there was nowhere for her to go either, that she was trapped here while they did this to her. I asked her why she felt trapped and she pointed to where the front door used to be, and I saw that it not only had been boarded up, but that concrete had been poured to seal the door and the front windows. I told her she could leave the same way I came in. She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I indicated the stairs I had come up and told her to use the back door and proceeded to leave that way. I'm not too sure if she followed, because the next thing I remember...
When the black bus that was going to take us pulled up to board, I suddenly realized that I had forgotten my ID that allowed me to go on this particular ride. I ran inside to get it but I also had forgotten where I put it. I looked in the closet and found it stuffed so full of all different sorts of jackets and coats I could barely find anything at all. I searched and found my train ID and ran back outside, just in time to see the bus pull away.
Only two of the people I had tried to get ready had managed to board it. The rest were off dilly dallying and not even paying any attention. One of the two that did board was waving out the window, encouraging me to run after the bus, but I was so loaded down with my belongings I could only move very slowly. The person's yelling got the bus driver to slow to a stop for a moment. I realized then that if I wanted to catch that bus, I was going to have to drop my belongings and make a run for it. Just as I was about to do that though the bus started back up and took off, leaving me there...very upset.
I set my things down and crawled into the corner on the front porch to mope.
My grandmother, looking very young (like how she did in her pictures before my mom was even born) came out of the house and scolded me. She told me that if I had paid better attention to my own needs, instead of worrying about everybody else, I would have made that bus. She stated that if the others truly wanted to go they would have done so for themselves and would only have asked for my help IF they had needed it. She also reminded me about how much baggage I was carrying and how I didn't need any of it. She ended it with a 'now get off your duff, get back to work and make sure you are really ready for when the next bus arrives.'
*** In other dreams, when Gramma Grace's presence arrives in the form of a butterfly, a death has occurred soon after. This has happened more than once. This time though, she appeared in person...
September 23, 2012
I had 3 dreams, all in a row. One right
after the other, where I would wake up in between each of them and
then would go back to sleep and dream the next one.
In the first dream, I was in an old
house and walked upstairs. At the top pf the landing, which was like
an attic, I saw a door to my right. My maternal grandfather, feeling
almost like a ghost, appeared behind me. He indicated for me to open
the door. When I did, it looked a closet that had been made into a
place to keep records and books. It was full of shelves packed with
books, scrolls and even some stone tablets. I could see some of them
were very old and dusty and some of them were newer. When I looked
closer, I could see each one of them had date spans written on them.
I looked closer at one of them and saw that it had a date from the
1800's on it, but I woke up before I could really register any more
than that. Somehow, with out speaking, Gramps made it very clear that
this was HIS 'records' and that he very much wanted me to read them.
The second dream was a bit more upsetting, for I was handed my
mother's obituary. It had her birthday and Oct 22 on it. I am not
sure if 22 was to mean a day or a year, for I didn't register if
there was a 3rd set of numbers or not. I just remember realizing what
it was, and was very upset at the person for not telling me sooner.
In the dream, it happened in such a way that I wasn't even able to
see her before she died. As I began to weep, I was adamantly told to
focus, that she would NOT be gone, that she was still with us, and to
realize that she would be inclined to follow my Gramps. I woke up at
after that.
* It did occur to me after waking that my mother had had her brain surgery, and the stroke from it, on Oct 23, 92. In some ways her personality had changed so much afterward that I had often thought that my mother sort of died on that table. In some ways it was a good thing, for she doesn't remember a lot of the 'bad' things anymore.
* It did occur to me after waking that my mother had had her brain surgery, and the stroke from it, on Oct 23, 92. In some ways her personality had changed so much afterward that I had often thought that my mother sort of died on that table. In some ways it was a good thing, for she doesn't remember a lot of the 'bad' things anymore.
In the 3rd dream, I don't
remember all the details EXCEPT right before I woke, my maternal
grandfather again appeared before me and just repeatedly kept saying,
"I was born on Sept 21st." My Gramps was born in January,
so I found this odd.
November 15, 2012
Okay....now I just had a dream about Nana (dad's mom). Kind of depressing one though. It was sooo unlike the one with mom's parents. Mom's parents were like energetically kicking me in the ---. Nana was more subdued and complaining about feeling trapped and clinging to the past.
Okay....now I just had a dream about Nana (dad's mom). Kind of depressing one though. It was sooo unlike the one with mom's parents. Mom's parents were like energetically kicking me in the ---. Nana was more subdued and complaining about feeling trapped and clinging to the past.
I was with someone (not sure who) in a thrift/antique/estate sale type store, when I realized that many of things looked familiar. I couldn't place why. In my looking around, I ended up crossing to the left side of the place. I followed some stairs up and then next thing I know, I found myself in someone's home, but it was old, dingy and looked as it had been picked through. I then realized that many of things that were in the thrift store had been pulled out of this person's home. When I went in further to the back part of the home, I saw my paternal grandmother sitting there, looking very old, tired and sad. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that they were selling off all of her keepsakes and that soon nothing much will be left. She was complaining that there was nowhere for her to go either, that she was trapped here while they did this to her. I asked her why she felt trapped and she pointed to where the front door used to be, and I saw that it not only had been boarded up, but that concrete had been poured to seal the door and the front windows. I told her she could leave the same way I came in. She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I indicated the stairs I had come up and told her to use the back door and proceeded to leave that way. I'm not too sure if she followed, because the next thing I remember...
What's weird is the dream about her merged into a dream about...all I
can describe it like....was...I was dreaming about the man from
Atlantis....you know the TV guy one? That's how he looked and
acted....and he had these weird contact lenses that allowed him to
see in the dark under water.
It was night and I stood next to him on
a damn/bridge over a river. It was like we doing some sort of secret
spy type of thing. He kept going into the water and coming back out.
I stood by to keep an eye out. The last time he came out, he
indicated that he was having trouble seeing and that we were going to
have to go deeper and farther out together this time. He pulled out
two contact lenses from his sleeve, put them in and then indicated
for me to follow him. When I jumped in with him into the water, it
was like an huge atmospheric gray cloud engulfed us. I couldn't see
anything, but he could (because of the lenses). He guided me through
the water and we came ashore on a river bank right before I woke up.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
And Grace Will Lead Us Home...
"A butterfly flew into the room and hovered for awhile over the dying Empress, and when she had breathed her last it spread its wings and flew out into the free air again." THE EMPRESS FREDERICK
July 28, 2011
In this dream, I didn't really recall all that much of it. I am just recounting the unusual part of it.
I woke up in the middle of the early morning hours with some past life matches for my mother and her parents that Brianstalin made running VERY strongly on my mind. Puzzled as to why this was, I then recalled part of the dream I had just had. In it I was talking with someone and something flew by our heads and alighted upon the wall nearby. I looked closer and realized I was looking at a blue and gold butterfly. I pointed the butterfly out to the person I was talking to and told them that when I see a butterfly in my dreams, it often is my grandmother visiting with me. It was in that moment that I realized I was dreaming this, while still asleep.
UPDATE: August 4, 2011
Whe
Amazing Grace Lyrics
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares...we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.
The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.
Learning Curve
Feb 20, 2011
The whole evening of dreams was in in sequence, like a story. Every time I woke up, when I would go back to sleep, I would pick up where I left off. I can not recall of all of the events, but I do remember that it was not jumbled like many dreams can be and there were a few times I was aware that I was dreaming. I kept getting that the people I was encountering were 'aliens', but they looked normal and more 'majestic' somehow than humans normally look. All the buildings we were in also had that same look and feeling. The whole dream had a feel of antiquity to it, but at the same time, it was very fresh and modern.
I remember that I was not necessarily running from them, but more like I was being very careful not to be spotted by them. In fact, it was like I was going to different places where they were, like I was spying and gathering as much information about them as I could without be seen.
In one part of the dream, I woke up to find myself in a transport vehicle that felt like it was flying somehow. It had a rounded tunnel like feel to it and a section on the right side that would open up as a ramp when needed. A man appeared who was quite luminous and striking in appearance and I was quite taken with him. He had hair the color of gold, was quite 'perfect' to behold, and though he did not talk much, he managed to quickly subdue and seduce me. As our encounter progressed, I realized, to my frustration, he had no real substance and my conscious mind became aware for a moment that it was because I was dreaming this.
I later found myself outside a church/temple like building at night. I walked up the steps and entered the building. Inside it had the appearance of a theater, with seats that sloped down to a small stage at the bottom. I felt like it was some sort of lecture hall of some sort. The place was empty though. I made my way through to a courtyard and entered another series of buildings. It felt as if I was at some sort of university or something like it.
In one of these buildings I came upon a large pool and had the urge to swim in it, but as I was about to do so, I saw the water was full of these gelatinous looking creatures and I pulled back. I got the feeling it was some sort of genetic experiment and these were creatures created this way. Just as I pulled back, I heard the soft voices of the people I was 'spying upon' and went to hide. I watched them walk by and go up a wide staircase to enter another chamber in the building.
At another point I found my way into a small room where I found the man I encountered earlier sitting in meditation. I sat down across from him. I wondered at how he seemed to literally glow, with a golden white light coming from inside him. My mind thought of him at that moment as 'the light bearer.' As I sat there he proceeded to tell me that there was no such thing as darkness, no evil, no illness, or any of these things...only light. I began to question him about the apparent polarity with this world and he reminded me to remember our earlier encounter, how it felt, and reminded me that everything is just a dream...
Thursday, November 5, 2009
2008
Jan 18, 2008
I dreamed my sister (sister in my dream...but she didn't look like my real sister) had checked into an old hotel that had the entrances to all the rooms on the inside. The room we went into had two twin size beds to the right when we walked in and a dresser up against the the wall on our left. The was no TV or restroom, only a closet to the right on the same wall as the door. I took the farthest of the beds and plopped down onto it face down with my head away from the wall. She took the other bed, and being more tired than I, was preparing to go sleep. As I glanced to the floor I noticed there that the dark rug looked as if it was filling up with water. I took a cotton sheet and laid it out across the floor between us as saw it absorb the water. I became alarmed though when I saw that it was also absorbing old blood from under the rug that the moisture was bringing to the surface. I tried to wake my sister, but she would only groggily reply. I gave up and fell asleep myself and dreamed that the ghost of the person who was murdered in the room was trying to communicate with me to not only tell me what happened, but to also warn me. In attempting to focus on this spirit I saw that it was a young black man. As he started to move in on me, I panicked and woke up in my dream. When I awoke I saw that the area where the floor was flooding with water. I roused my sister and we ran out into the hall to see that other people were in the halls trying to figure out where the water was coming from. I attempted to tell people that there had been a murder in our room and the evidence was in the carpet, but it was getting washed away by the water now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interesting dream to be having on Verterns Day....
November 11, 2008
Dreamed I was an alien, that took on a body to look like a white man, who figured out how to travel back through time. I went back, with my black female kitty, to when the banks were first issuing gold certificates. When I went to the teller, I put my kitty in a white bag and told her to sit still before asking the teller what I wanted. I asked told him how much I had and I wanted however many he could issue for that amount. He told me 501. He started to issue them in circulated condition and I told him, all but one needed to be in un-circulated condition. He then handed me 5 stacks of these bills wrapped in white thick denim looking strips of cloth that had tapered out at the ends so that it could be tied around the waist, if needed. By the fact he handed it to me this way, a certain recognition, and trust, occurred between us at this moment. I asked him if there was some way he could wrap these in a protective covering to ensure they would not be damaged while wrapped around my waist. He smiled and took the certificates to the back and told me he would be right back.
Just at that moment my kitty jumped out of the bag and ran across out of the building. I chased her to a white Victorian building and grabbed her just before she started heading into the back door of the house. I went back to the bank. The teller quickly handed me the certificates and told me they were on to me. He took me to his vehicle and sped off and out into the hills.
At first I didn't see anyone following us as we traveled further and further out into the hills, over gradually rougher and rougher terrain. Just as it was starting to get dark and I was beginning to think we were safe, we spotted the dust of our pursuers off in the distance. We hadn't shaken them at all. The driver/teller told me to hold on as we came upon a cliff and drove right over it...but instead of that, we went down a slight incline into a heavily wooded area. It ended up being a portal. As he went deeper in to the woods and off of any roads, I realized we were in some sort of all terrain vehicle that blended into its surroundings.
After a bit he drove under a thick grove of trees and parked the vehicle. He told me that he had used this spot before and they have yet to find it. By this point my kitty was getting antsy and wanted out of the bag and I took her out on a lease. This is when I realized we were parked in a ravine. When back in the vehicle I asked about this fact and pointed out that it wasn't safe if there was a flash flood and he agreed. He then showed me that he was connected into hearing our pursuers communications with a devise in his head. It was at that point I saw a dark tentacle come out of his body and I realized he was an alien. I felt relief to realize this.
At that moment we saw a light in the sky searching the above out heads. He told me that they were close by, but hadn't spotted us and we may have to hang out here for a couple of days. He assured me though that he had done this many times and was prepared. The way the vehicle was designed and where he had it sitting below their scanners, they would have to literally stumbled upon us by foot to find us. I then woke up.
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June 9, 2008
Dreamed about finding, or reacquiring, an old game of monopoly that I used to have. Though worn, it was still in pretty good shape. It didn't look like the games boxes I actually grew up with though. It was not as colorful and the box was mostly red and white (off white from age) and though it was still rectangular, was bigger than the one we had in the 70's. In fact, as I was holding it, I felt like I was child holding onto it...though I couldn't say if I actually was a child in the dream. I seemed to realize this fact in my dream as well, but in my dream I still 'knew' that it was 'mine' and I was glad to have it back. On doing some looking, it reminded me of one of the real old kind of games from the 40's or 50's: http://monopoly.cdbpdx.com/BoxTops
I was concerned thought to find some of the edges had broken loose and I didn't want anything to fall out of the box. I found some rolls of plastic packing tape, the kind that sticks to itself when you wrap it around things and used it to wrap up the box for safe keeping. I then began using the roll to wrap up other things I was packing up to store away while it appeared I was cleaning up things to move. One of the items appeared to be one of my wool throw rugs.
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4/1/8
Two things stand out still from my dreams of last sleep.
One...and I don't recall ever dreaming this before...and it creeps me out to even to write this...but, it was just a dream and I am still remembering it...so, I'm trying to put it into perspective of what my subconscious is trying to tell me with this. I was in bed, laying next to my dad and we were at first just sleeping. I woke up (in my dream) to him using my body to sexually arose himself. Next thing I know he was really going at it with me, so much so, that he pushed me off the bed head first onto the floor...but, I was still dressed in my underclothes...which, thankfully, he didn't try to remove. What was stranger though is that I didn't do anything to try and stop or encourage him. I just laid there acting like I was some sort of doll or something. (You know, now that I am writing this, I know what this dream is from...and it doesn't have to do with my dad, or even my step father. Just curious though that my subconscious put the 'father' image in there though. Also, interesting to realize that today Angela Shelton's book hits the market.)
Anyway, this led to my next dream of me and some others (don't recall who though) that were hiking in a tree filled mountainous area. We came upon a wall like cliff/mountain of which we had to figure out to get around. One of the people I was with led us to an almost vertical area that had steps carved into the side of the mountain and told everyone climbing up those 'steps' was the way to get to the top of this mountain. It looked very steep, tall, and dangerous to me, and I imagined what would happen if I slipped or grew tired and failed to be able to hang on. As the others started to scale the mountain, I stepped back and saw that it was a facade with nothing on the sides to keep us from just walking around it without the danger of having to climb it, but it seemed no one else could seem to see this, so I doubted what I was seeing. As soon I doubted this, the illusion of the face of the mountain filled in on the sides and I could no longer see the way around with out scaling the mountain like the others. So, I started to climb up too. As I was climbing though, the fear of falling, like I had previously imagined, overcame me and I went back to the ground to collect myself. By then I was alone, and the others were way above of me. So, I started to climb again, but as I got about half way, I was no longer able to hold on. As my fingers let go of the rock, a thought occurred to me that I was go about this the wrong way and making things much harder than I needed to...being that I already had it, and have always had it, in me to fly above all this. As I felt my body begin to fall, I immediately felt the sensation of floating overcome me, and I directed myself to sore above the cliff side of the mountain, passing all the other climbers on the way. They looked up at me with surprise to see me flying like that. It occurred to me then, that they to could fly if they wanted to and I attempted to let them know, but I couldn't seem to get them the message to where they understood that. I went to the top of the mountain side, without landing there, and then decided to go back to the ground. When I alighted to the ground, I saw another group of people ready to climb the mountainside, and well that is where I woke up....
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February 17, 2008
I dreamed I was being chased and running way from a man, and then eventually abducted/kidnapped by that man, who I could not really make out what he looked like. So, this started out like being, yet again, what I call one of my 'dark man' dreams, similar to many that I have had, many times, over my lifetime. In some of the others I am running in dark places being chased by 'someone' I never see. In others I am literally trapped, or held against my will, by a man that I can never see. Some don't really lead to anything, but just leave with a sense of dread when I wake up....possibly me waking me up before anything else happens. In others, I am actually raped, or locked up, or bound against my will. In some I am in fear through all of this, while in others I seem to want the treatment I am receiving, though when I wake from those ones, I am appalled by this thought. In some, the dark man has even killed me. Once he even trapped me in a dark alley, killed me, and then threw my corpse in the trunk while a part of me looked on.
Anyway, what was different about this one, is usually I never see the face of this 'dark man.' My last dream of being raped though put the face of someone who conned me in life with one of my film productions, a production that was very personal to me. Though I never had anything sexual with him, his actions did affect my film that stemmed a lot from my own personal experiences...So, I didn't really think about this until this dream I just had...
Another thing that was different, was I was a little girl this time. In most of my dark man dreams, I am at the current age that I am at the time I dream the dream.
Anyway, I was a beautiful shy little girl, with long blond hair, running from this 'dark man.' He caught me and brought me back to his place, a place that looked like a hotel room that people can rent out on a weekly or monthly bases. As I stood by the bed, he sat down at a table in front of a mirror, and began to take off a disguise he was wearing. As I watched him do this, I felt myself literally pull out of the body of this little girl, and move to where I was hovering above the scene to watch what happened next.
It was from that vantage point I was then able to see for the first time the face of this 'dark man.' He had on a wig streaked with dark blondish and grey colors, but under the wig, his hair was a solid brown. As he pulled off the wig, his face seem to change as well, from an older middle aged man, to that off a very much younger man, possibly as young as his late teens to early 20's...who I totally did not recognize as anyone I know....even now.
I looked over at the little girl. She stood watching him like how a deer stands in the middle of the road when a car approaches. No emotion on her face, eyes staring straight ahead and not even really showing any fear anymore.
The man stood up, undressed her and laid her like a doll on the bed, before undressing himself. As I watched this, I kept saying to the scene, NO, NO, NO!!!!.... but the girl, her body looking so little and fragile, just lay there frozen as he crawled on top of her. My last dream thought was of him tearing her open inside as he penetrated her, right before I woke up. There was also a sense that I had almost, just for a brief moment, but not quite, re-entered the body of the little girl while he was on top of her/me.
Interestingly, I felt a sense of relief when I woke up. Right away, I knew that this dream was different from the others. That it was a break through dream for me. A dream of reaching a place I hadn't managed to get to before on my journey to heal.
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February 1, 2008
I dreamed I was traveling up and down a very mountainous area in this cart on tracks (sort of like you see in mine shafts). Much of the trip was very scary and I held on for dear life, fearful I would fall, or get bumped out of the cart, especially on the very steep slopes when it was going downhill very fast.
I came to a top of a mountain area and was no longer in the cart. JH was there and was very upset with me, because I held in my hands a batch of photos in a paper photo envelope (like the kind you get from the developer). He kept claiming they were his and that I had no right to them. I flipped through the photos and caught a glimpse of a few of the pictures, (they were of family and of a baby) but didn't really get a better look because he grabbed for them. I pulled back and held the photos over my head so he couldn't reach them. I felt the photos loosen and start to fall out of the envelope. I told him that if they were really his photos, then he could tell me what they were of. He couldn't and just get angrier at me. I taunted him by waving my arm back and forth until the photos went flying down into a canyon below. I wasn't worried though, because I had the originals and negatives of the photos in a solid bound booklet that I had kept hidden from him. The only thing was I was afraid to pull it out to look myself, in case he saw it.
In a rage JH then attacked me, thew me onto a bed and raped me. When he was done, he left and I checked to see that I still had the photos and that they were safe. They were. I then called my best friend on the phone (yeah another phone dream) and told here about JH raping me. She asked me if I had called the authorities to report it. I told her I was okay and that I had not. Upset, she insisted I hang up right then and call the police to report the rape. I agreed I would. I woke up as soon as I hung up in the dream.
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January 11, 2008
Well, I seem to have had a 'mirror' dream to the one I had on the 8th.
This time I was in my old bedroom in the 2 story house we used to live in south Sacramento. It was in that half unfinished remodel state I grew up with while I was in high school.
Anyway, there again was an answering machine. It was by the window on the full wall shelving/desk unit my grampa Carl had built for me. I came running into the room when I heard the voice of someone leaving a message on it. The person finished and hung up before I could get to the phone or turn up the volume to see who it was.
When I looked at the machine, I realized that there was another older massage on the machine, in addition to the one that was just left. I remember that, in the dream, I was remembering about the dream with my g-gramma leaving a message, and realizing in this dream, that this time, it was messages from the male line of my family....and somehow knew that the messages were being left for my father.
I rewound the messages (yeah, it was the old tape style machine...just like the one I used to have in that room) to listen to them, when I saw my dad pull up in an old silver looking car outside (not really possible in real life...since out that window was the backyard). Not wanting my Dad to know I was snooping in his affairs, I tried to reset the tape so he wouldn't know, but I couldn't seem to figure out how to reset it correctly.
I woke up realizing that not only had I not heard what the messages were, I never was able to put the messages back the way they should be so he could listen to them either.
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Earlier that night I remember dreaming about doing a ghost hunt, at night, at a Norman Bates like hotel. We were told there was two haunted rooms, one at either end of the hotel. On the right end there was friendly ghosts who we shouldn't have too much problem with. On the left end though, we were warned that there was some really bad and sinister ghosts, who, if we were not really careful, could cause us some serious harm. I woke up remember my last dream thought on that was, I need to go ahead and explore that left end room, regardless of the dire warnings.
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AND OH.....about the dream on the 8th.....
I visited my Mom today and told her about the dream. With it I learned a few things about my grandparents too.
One thing that I realized the most was how little my mother knew of, and about, any of her grandparents, even second hand, and that it was really an attitude about children that that generation (and possibly old country thinking) seemed to have had.....you know, children are to be seen not heard....and how people just don't seem to talk to each other sometimes, bygones being bygones...
I see now how much my mother tried to buck that thinking, but in some ways gave into it as well. For example, I never got to know my gramma Grace, because she also had the thing where children needed to be a certain age before they could spend 'the week with the grand-parents'....of which got blown with me, because she died the winter before I got to be the 'okay' age to spend that time with her and get to know her some. I got to know Grampa Carl, her husband, through...because he was the last of that generation to pass.
Anyway, it seems the grand-parent that was in the back room that the children were not allowed to visit was Rosa's husband, Christian. He died when my Mom was 5. She did not know what he died of....and no one talked about it either...even since then. She did tell me though he was a chain smoker, often having 2 cigarettes going at same time. She also said that when they visited, they didn't really see much of Rosa either, because her health was rather fragile as well. Whenever the children would visit, what my mother referred to as the nice two story house they lived in, they would end up being shuffled off to another nearby 'kid friendly' house.
As for her other grandmother, Martha, all she remembered of her was how petite she was and that she always wore several layers of clothes that completely covered up everything except her face and hands. I remember my mother mentioning how Grampa Carl always wore long sleeves to cover a mild case of Vitiligo on his arms, and that makes me wonder if his mother also had this. As my mother tells me, Martha's house was not as affluent as her other grandparents. It was just a simple structure without any running water and such. She too didn't intereact or talk that much to the children, even though she out lived into my mother's teens (we also realized I got to see 2 of my grandparents live very long lives and was able to know them well into my adulthood....something my mother never had).
When I asked my mom if she remembered what her grandmother's voices were like, she couldn't really remembering them even talking to her, or having any memory of them talking to anyone else. Oh well, we are talking about 50 to 60 year old memories from a woman who own memory is spotty on many things....
After talking with my mom, I am beginning to think it may have actually been Rosa on the phone. Even though she was born in Zurich...she may have been young enough, when she came over, to have developed an American accent....and she did live with a chain smoker....curious...
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January 8, 2008
Interesting thing these dreams.
Instead of sleeping at night, because of my job, I slept today all day. When I woke, the only part of my dreams I could remember was something about being with my mom and visiting her ailing grandmother. Her grandmother was off in some back room we couldn't go into. What was odder, was her great grand mother then called us on a speaker phone to talk to us. My mother, who is like she is now, in the dream was puzzled by this, saying, "How can she be talking to us, she died when I was 8?' My g?-grand mother on the phone was chewing her out saying something about how death wasn't going to keep her telling us important stuff we needed to know. What was even more interesting was my g?-grand mother sounded almost like a man on the speaker phone....but, it was still a woman's voice...a very gruff (almost like a heavy smoker would have) woman's voice...but never-the-less, a woman's voice.
So , here's me trying to think this out....
My father's grandfather died when he was 8...but, that was my dad's dad....and the ancestors in this dream seem to be all female...and it all seemed to be from my mother side of the family....but, that 'manly' woman's voice was trippy....
When I was young, my mother confided in me about an ailing grand-parent (not sure if it was a grand or great grand parent...or if it was a male or female) who died of cancer when she was she was young...and how the person was kept in a back room, away from the rest of the family. This seem to really bother my mom and she always felt that should not have happened that way.
My mom's grand-mothers were: maternal - Rosa Schenkel from Switerland (her mother was Rosa Kuhn, also from the old country and paternal side - Louisa Craft from Germany)...and paternal - Martha Ann Grogan from Missouri (her mother was Cyntha Stephens from Tennessee - and paternal side - Elizabeth Cone from Ohio).
Now Rosa died in 1944, interestingly, (and I didn't know this until just looking it up) a week after my mom's 8 birthday, but, the woman on the phone most definately did NOT have a Swiss accent....
Now Cyntha died in 1881...looooong before my mom was even born....and it looks like she died in childbirth. Elizabeth died in Missouri in 1900...so same problem....
Rosa Kuhn died about 6 years before my mom was even born....and again...she was Swiss born...accent...this voice did not have a Swiss accent...and Louisa Craft died in 1910...again same problem....German accent....
And lastly, Martha....I think I've seen seen pictures of Martha. If she is who I think she is...then think of pictures of women from the wild west...tough looking manly women holding shot guns and such...who weren't afraid to chew out someone for being an ass and not afraid to get their hands dirty. Yeah, that woman on the speaker phone, I could imagine that to be her voice....and yeah, she crossed over when my mom was about 14 or so....
Interesting....only...what was she trying to tell us? She sure got my attention though....I'm not sure just what for....
Now, what is even stranger still...
....when I called my best friend to tell her about this dream....
...so told me she had recieve a call earlier in the day from a couple of older women, who asked for her by name.
When she told them it was her, one of the older women said, "Hello D-----, this is your grandmother."
Well, my friend replied, 'uhmmm, that's not possible, my grand-mother has been dead for nearly 30 years."
Puzzled, the woman confirmed the name of who she wanted to speak to...and then the other older woman whipsered to the older woman, "Maybe you have a wrong number?'...and they hung up.
....Odd, they called a number for someone that has the same name as my best friend....
....and then I called my best friend later that day to tell her about the dream I had earlier that day....
TRIPPY....
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January 1, 2008
Don't remember a lot of details from my dreams last night, but it is interesting what stuck with me all day...
1st - I dreamed my best friend was a nun. She looked like she looked in pictures she has shown me when she was much younger... like what she looked like when she was late teens to early 20's. She wore a dark purple habit with a style that sort of reminds me of the one that Mary Tyler Moore wore in 'Change of Habit', only it didn't have that big of a white collar around the neck. What was odd about the dream though was that her head, not her face though, was over twice the size of a normal head. It didn't seem to be about ego, because she was very humble and helpful to others, and in the dream she was making efforts to try and hide and minimize her head as much as possible with the dark purple habit. But, the size of her head could not be hidden even under the habit she was wearing. I think it had more to do with wisdom on her part.
2nd - later on I dreamed I was like a trans-gendered person. On the outside, I looked like a really tall model like woman, but inside, I was really a male. Because of this, I decided to try and use the men's bathroom, even though I was dressed in a dress and heels and all. Once I was in the bathroom, I realized that it only had two stalls, and both were occupied. I decided to wait. In the left stall, I observed the feet of what looked like a very large man. He was grunting and seemed extremely constipated. I realized he was going to take a loooong time before he was done and decided didn't really want to wait that long. I switched my attention to the stall on the right, and observed the feet of a thin man, that somehow I knew was gay (not trans-gendered...but, gay...like how I knew that, I do not know). Anyway, this guy, to put it as nice as I can, had the opposite problem. I remembering thinking about how his lifestyle may have been the source of his problem...and well, the sounds that were coming from his stall started making me sick. I decided that I wouldn't want to really use the stall of this guy once he was done with what he was doing....so, I decided to leave and find a more comfortable place to 'relieve' myself. Yeah, it was kind of an icky, but for some reason, telling dream. What it was telling though, I do not know...but, I guess if I can still remember this much of it almost a day later...
I dreamed my sister (sister in my dream...but she didn't look like my real sister) had checked into an old hotel that had the entrances to all the rooms on the inside. The room we went into had two twin size beds to the right when we walked in and a dresser up against the the wall on our left. The was no TV or restroom, only a closet to the right on the same wall as the door. I took the farthest of the beds and plopped down onto it face down with my head away from the wall. She took the other bed, and being more tired than I, was preparing to go sleep. As I glanced to the floor I noticed there that the dark rug looked as if it was filling up with water. I took a cotton sheet and laid it out across the floor between us as saw it absorb the water. I became alarmed though when I saw that it was also absorbing old blood from under the rug that the moisture was bringing to the surface. I tried to wake my sister, but she would only groggily reply. I gave up and fell asleep myself and dreamed that the ghost of the person who was murdered in the room was trying to communicate with me to not only tell me what happened, but to also warn me. In attempting to focus on this spirit I saw that it was a young black man. As he started to move in on me, I panicked and woke up in my dream. When I awoke I saw that the area where the floor was flooding with water. I roused my sister and we ran out into the hall to see that other people were in the halls trying to figure out where the water was coming from. I attempted to tell people that there had been a murder in our room and the evidence was in the carpet, but it was getting washed away by the water now.
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Interesting dream to be having on Verterns Day....
November 11, 2008
Dreamed I was an alien, that took on a body to look like a white man, who figured out how to travel back through time. I went back, with my black female kitty, to when the banks were first issuing gold certificates. When I went to the teller, I put my kitty in a white bag and told her to sit still before asking the teller what I wanted. I asked told him how much I had and I wanted however many he could issue for that amount. He told me 501. He started to issue them in circulated condition and I told him, all but one needed to be in un-circulated condition. He then handed me 5 stacks of these bills wrapped in white thick denim looking strips of cloth that had tapered out at the ends so that it could be tied around the waist, if needed. By the fact he handed it to me this way, a certain recognition, and trust, occurred between us at this moment. I asked him if there was some way he could wrap these in a protective covering to ensure they would not be damaged while wrapped around my waist. He smiled and took the certificates to the back and told me he would be right back.
Just at that moment my kitty jumped out of the bag and ran across out of the building. I chased her to a white Victorian building and grabbed her just before she started heading into the back door of the house. I went back to the bank. The teller quickly handed me the certificates and told me they were on to me. He took me to his vehicle and sped off and out into the hills.
At first I didn't see anyone following us as we traveled further and further out into the hills, over gradually rougher and rougher terrain. Just as it was starting to get dark and I was beginning to think we were safe, we spotted the dust of our pursuers off in the distance. We hadn't shaken them at all. The driver/teller told me to hold on as we came upon a cliff and drove right over it...but instead of that, we went down a slight incline into a heavily wooded area. It ended up being a portal. As he went deeper in to the woods and off of any roads, I realized we were in some sort of all terrain vehicle that blended into its surroundings.
After a bit he drove under a thick grove of trees and parked the vehicle. He told me that he had used this spot before and they have yet to find it. By this point my kitty was getting antsy and wanted out of the bag and I took her out on a lease. This is when I realized we were parked in a ravine. When back in the vehicle I asked about this fact and pointed out that it wasn't safe if there was a flash flood and he agreed. He then showed me that he was connected into hearing our pursuers communications with a devise in his head. It was at that point I saw a dark tentacle come out of his body and I realized he was an alien. I felt relief to realize this.
At that moment we saw a light in the sky searching the above out heads. He told me that they were close by, but hadn't spotted us and we may have to hang out here for a couple of days. He assured me though that he had done this many times and was prepared. The way the vehicle was designed and where he had it sitting below their scanners, they would have to literally stumbled upon us by foot to find us. I then woke up.
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June 9, 2008
Dreamed about finding, or reacquiring, an old game of monopoly that I used to have. Though worn, it was still in pretty good shape. It didn't look like the games boxes I actually grew up with though. It was not as colorful and the box was mostly red and white (off white from age) and though it was still rectangular, was bigger than the one we had in the 70's. In fact, as I was holding it, I felt like I was child holding onto it...though I couldn't say if I actually was a child in the dream. I seemed to realize this fact in my dream as well, but in my dream I still 'knew' that it was 'mine' and I was glad to have it back. On doing some looking, it reminded me of one of the real old kind of games from the 40's or 50's: http://monopoly.cdbpdx.com/BoxTops
I was concerned thought to find some of the edges had broken loose and I didn't want anything to fall out of the box. I found some rolls of plastic packing tape, the kind that sticks to itself when you wrap it around things and used it to wrap up the box for safe keeping. I then began using the roll to wrap up other things I was packing up to store away while it appeared I was cleaning up things to move. One of the items appeared to be one of my wool throw rugs.
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4/1/8
Two things stand out still from my dreams of last sleep.
One...and I don't recall ever dreaming this before...and it creeps me out to even to write this...but, it was just a dream and I am still remembering it...so, I'm trying to put it into perspective of what my subconscious is trying to tell me with this. I was in bed, laying next to my dad and we were at first just sleeping. I woke up (in my dream) to him using my body to sexually arose himself. Next thing I know he was really going at it with me, so much so, that he pushed me off the bed head first onto the floor...but, I was still dressed in my underclothes...which, thankfully, he didn't try to remove. What was stranger though is that I didn't do anything to try and stop or encourage him. I just laid there acting like I was some sort of doll or something. (You know, now that I am writing this, I know what this dream is from...and it doesn't have to do with my dad, or even my step father. Just curious though that my subconscious put the 'father' image in there though. Also, interesting to realize that today Angela Shelton's book hits the market.)
Anyway, this led to my next dream of me and some others (don't recall who though) that were hiking in a tree filled mountainous area. We came upon a wall like cliff/mountain of which we had to figure out to get around. One of the people I was with led us to an almost vertical area that had steps carved into the side of the mountain and told everyone climbing up those 'steps' was the way to get to the top of this mountain. It looked very steep, tall, and dangerous to me, and I imagined what would happen if I slipped or grew tired and failed to be able to hang on. As the others started to scale the mountain, I stepped back and saw that it was a facade with nothing on the sides to keep us from just walking around it without the danger of having to climb it, but it seemed no one else could seem to see this, so I doubted what I was seeing. As soon I doubted this, the illusion of the face of the mountain filled in on the sides and I could no longer see the way around with out scaling the mountain like the others. So, I started to climb up too. As I was climbing though, the fear of falling, like I had previously imagined, overcame me and I went back to the ground to collect myself. By then I was alone, and the others were way above of me. So, I started to climb again, but as I got about half way, I was no longer able to hold on. As my fingers let go of the rock, a thought occurred to me that I was go about this the wrong way and making things much harder than I needed to...being that I already had it, and have always had it, in me to fly above all this. As I felt my body begin to fall, I immediately felt the sensation of floating overcome me, and I directed myself to sore above the cliff side of the mountain, passing all the other climbers on the way. They looked up at me with surprise to see me flying like that. It occurred to me then, that they to could fly if they wanted to and I attempted to let them know, but I couldn't seem to get them the message to where they understood that. I went to the top of the mountain side, without landing there, and then decided to go back to the ground. When I alighted to the ground, I saw another group of people ready to climb the mountainside, and well that is where I woke up....
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February 17, 2008
I dreamed I was being chased and running way from a man, and then eventually abducted/kidnapped by that man, who I could not really make out what he looked like. So, this started out like being, yet again, what I call one of my 'dark man' dreams, similar to many that I have had, many times, over my lifetime. In some of the others I am running in dark places being chased by 'someone' I never see. In others I am literally trapped, or held against my will, by a man that I can never see. Some don't really lead to anything, but just leave with a sense of dread when I wake up....possibly me waking me up before anything else happens. In others, I am actually raped, or locked up, or bound against my will. In some I am in fear through all of this, while in others I seem to want the treatment I am receiving, though when I wake from those ones, I am appalled by this thought. In some, the dark man has even killed me. Once he even trapped me in a dark alley, killed me, and then threw my corpse in the trunk while a part of me looked on.
Anyway, what was different about this one, is usually I never see the face of this 'dark man.' My last dream of being raped though put the face of someone who conned me in life with one of my film productions, a production that was very personal to me. Though I never had anything sexual with him, his actions did affect my film that stemmed a lot from my own personal experiences...So, I didn't really think about this until this dream I just had...
Another thing that was different, was I was a little girl this time. In most of my dark man dreams, I am at the current age that I am at the time I dream the dream.
Anyway, I was a beautiful shy little girl, with long blond hair, running from this 'dark man.' He caught me and brought me back to his place, a place that looked like a hotel room that people can rent out on a weekly or monthly bases. As I stood by the bed, he sat down at a table in front of a mirror, and began to take off a disguise he was wearing. As I watched him do this, I felt myself literally pull out of the body of this little girl, and move to where I was hovering above the scene to watch what happened next.
It was from that vantage point I was then able to see for the first time the face of this 'dark man.' He had on a wig streaked with dark blondish and grey colors, but under the wig, his hair was a solid brown. As he pulled off the wig, his face seem to change as well, from an older middle aged man, to that off a very much younger man, possibly as young as his late teens to early 20's...who I totally did not recognize as anyone I know....even now.
I looked over at the little girl. She stood watching him like how a deer stands in the middle of the road when a car approaches. No emotion on her face, eyes staring straight ahead and not even really showing any fear anymore.
The man stood up, undressed her and laid her like a doll on the bed, before undressing himself. As I watched this, I kept saying to the scene, NO, NO, NO!!!!.... but the girl, her body looking so little and fragile, just lay there frozen as he crawled on top of her. My last dream thought was of him tearing her open inside as he penetrated her, right before I woke up. There was also a sense that I had almost, just for a brief moment, but not quite, re-entered the body of the little girl while he was on top of her/me.
Interestingly, I felt a sense of relief when I woke up. Right away, I knew that this dream was different from the others. That it was a break through dream for me. A dream of reaching a place I hadn't managed to get to before on my journey to heal.
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February 1, 2008
I dreamed I was traveling up and down a very mountainous area in this cart on tracks (sort of like you see in mine shafts). Much of the trip was very scary and I held on for dear life, fearful I would fall, or get bumped out of the cart, especially on the very steep slopes when it was going downhill very fast.
I came to a top of a mountain area and was no longer in the cart. JH was there and was very upset with me, because I held in my hands a batch of photos in a paper photo envelope (like the kind you get from the developer). He kept claiming they were his and that I had no right to them. I flipped through the photos and caught a glimpse of a few of the pictures, (they were of family and of a baby) but didn't really get a better look because he grabbed for them. I pulled back and held the photos over my head so he couldn't reach them. I felt the photos loosen and start to fall out of the envelope. I told him that if they were really his photos, then he could tell me what they were of. He couldn't and just get angrier at me. I taunted him by waving my arm back and forth until the photos went flying down into a canyon below. I wasn't worried though, because I had the originals and negatives of the photos in a solid bound booklet that I had kept hidden from him. The only thing was I was afraid to pull it out to look myself, in case he saw it.
In a rage JH then attacked me, thew me onto a bed and raped me. When he was done, he left and I checked to see that I still had the photos and that they were safe. They were. I then called my best friend on the phone (yeah another phone dream) and told here about JH raping me. She asked me if I had called the authorities to report it. I told her I was okay and that I had not. Upset, she insisted I hang up right then and call the police to report the rape. I agreed I would. I woke up as soon as I hung up in the dream.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
January 11, 2008
Well, I seem to have had a 'mirror' dream to the one I had on the 8th.
This time I was in my old bedroom in the 2 story house we used to live in south Sacramento. It was in that half unfinished remodel state I grew up with while I was in high school.
Anyway, there again was an answering machine. It was by the window on the full wall shelving/desk unit my grampa Carl had built for me. I came running into the room when I heard the voice of someone leaving a message on it. The person finished and hung up before I could get to the phone or turn up the volume to see who it was.
When I looked at the machine, I realized that there was another older massage on the machine, in addition to the one that was just left. I remember that, in the dream, I was remembering about the dream with my g-gramma leaving a message, and realizing in this dream, that this time, it was messages from the male line of my family....and somehow knew that the messages were being left for my father.
I rewound the messages (yeah, it was the old tape style machine...just like the one I used to have in that room) to listen to them, when I saw my dad pull up in an old silver looking car outside (not really possible in real life...since out that window was the backyard). Not wanting my Dad to know I was snooping in his affairs, I tried to reset the tape so he wouldn't know, but I couldn't seem to figure out how to reset it correctly.
I woke up realizing that not only had I not heard what the messages were, I never was able to put the messages back the way they should be so he could listen to them either.
........................
Earlier that night I remember dreaming about doing a ghost hunt, at night, at a Norman Bates like hotel. We were told there was two haunted rooms, one at either end of the hotel. On the right end there was friendly ghosts who we shouldn't have too much problem with. On the left end though, we were warned that there was some really bad and sinister ghosts, who, if we were not really careful, could cause us some serious harm. I woke up remember my last dream thought on that was, I need to go ahead and explore that left end room, regardless of the dire warnings.
..........................
AND OH.....about the dream on the 8th.....
I visited my Mom today and told her about the dream. With it I learned a few things about my grandparents too.
One thing that I realized the most was how little my mother knew of, and about, any of her grandparents, even second hand, and that it was really an attitude about children that that generation (and possibly old country thinking) seemed to have had.....you know, children are to be seen not heard....and how people just don't seem to talk to each other sometimes, bygones being bygones...
I see now how much my mother tried to buck that thinking, but in some ways gave into it as well. For example, I never got to know my gramma Grace, because she also had the thing where children needed to be a certain age before they could spend 'the week with the grand-parents'....of which got blown with me, because she died the winter before I got to be the 'okay' age to spend that time with her and get to know her some. I got to know Grampa Carl, her husband, through...because he was the last of that generation to pass.
Anyway, it seems the grand-parent that was in the back room that the children were not allowed to visit was Rosa's husband, Christian. He died when my Mom was 5. She did not know what he died of....and no one talked about it either...even since then. She did tell me though he was a chain smoker, often having 2 cigarettes going at same time. She also said that when they visited, they didn't really see much of Rosa either, because her health was rather fragile as well. Whenever the children would visit, what my mother referred to as the nice two story house they lived in, they would end up being shuffled off to another nearby 'kid friendly' house.
As for her other grandmother, Martha, all she remembered of her was how petite she was and that she always wore several layers of clothes that completely covered up everything except her face and hands. I remember my mother mentioning how Grampa Carl always wore long sleeves to cover a mild case of Vitiligo on his arms, and that makes me wonder if his mother also had this. As my mother tells me, Martha's house was not as affluent as her other grandparents. It was just a simple structure without any running water and such. She too didn't intereact or talk that much to the children, even though she out lived into my mother's teens (we also realized I got to see 2 of my grandparents live very long lives and was able to know them well into my adulthood....something my mother never had).
When I asked my mom if she remembered what her grandmother's voices were like, she couldn't really remembering them even talking to her, or having any memory of them talking to anyone else. Oh well, we are talking about 50 to 60 year old memories from a woman who own memory is spotty on many things....
After talking with my mom, I am beginning to think it may have actually been Rosa on the phone. Even though she was born in Zurich...she may have been young enough, when she came over, to have developed an American accent....and she did live with a chain smoker....curious...
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January 8, 2008
Interesting thing these dreams.
Instead of sleeping at night, because of my job, I slept today all day. When I woke, the only part of my dreams I could remember was something about being with my mom and visiting her ailing grandmother. Her grandmother was off in some back room we couldn't go into. What was odder, was her great grand mother then called us on a speaker phone to talk to us. My mother, who is like she is now, in the dream was puzzled by this, saying, "How can she be talking to us, she died when I was 8?' My g?-grand mother on the phone was chewing her out saying something about how death wasn't going to keep her telling us important stuff we needed to know. What was even more interesting was my g?-grand mother sounded almost like a man on the speaker phone....but, it was still a woman's voice...a very gruff (almost like a heavy smoker would have) woman's voice...but never-the-less, a woman's voice.
So , here's me trying to think this out....
My father's grandfather died when he was 8...but, that was my dad's dad....and the ancestors in this dream seem to be all female...and it all seemed to be from my mother side of the family....but, that 'manly' woman's voice was trippy....
When I was young, my mother confided in me about an ailing grand-parent (not sure if it was a grand or great grand parent...or if it was a male or female) who died of cancer when she was she was young...and how the person was kept in a back room, away from the rest of the family. This seem to really bother my mom and she always felt that should not have happened that way.
My mom's grand-mothers were: maternal - Rosa Schenkel from Switerland (her mother was Rosa Kuhn, also from the old country and paternal side - Louisa Craft from Germany)...and paternal - Martha Ann Grogan from Missouri (her mother was Cyntha Stephens from Tennessee - and paternal side - Elizabeth Cone from Ohio).
Now Rosa died in 1944, interestingly, (and I didn't know this until just looking it up) a week after my mom's 8 birthday, but, the woman on the phone most definately did NOT have a Swiss accent....
Now Cyntha died in 1881...looooong before my mom was even born....and it looks like she died in childbirth. Elizabeth died in Missouri in 1900...so same problem....
Rosa Kuhn died about 6 years before my mom was even born....and again...she was Swiss born...accent...this voice did not have a Swiss accent...and Louisa Craft died in 1910...again same problem....German accent....
And lastly, Martha....I think I've seen seen pictures of Martha. If she is who I think she is...then think of pictures of women from the wild west...tough looking manly women holding shot guns and such...who weren't afraid to chew out someone for being an ass and not afraid to get their hands dirty. Yeah, that woman on the speaker phone, I could imagine that to be her voice....and yeah, she crossed over when my mom was about 14 or so....
Interesting....only...what was she trying to tell us? She sure got my attention though....I'm not sure just what for....
Now, what is even stranger still...
....when I called my best friend to tell her about this dream....
...so told me she had recieve a call earlier in the day from a couple of older women, who asked for her by name.
When she told them it was her, one of the older women said, "Hello D-----, this is your grandmother."
Well, my friend replied, 'uhmmm, that's not possible, my grand-mother has been dead for nearly 30 years."
Puzzled, the woman confirmed the name of who she wanted to speak to...and then the other older woman whipsered to the older woman, "Maybe you have a wrong number?'...and they hung up.
....Odd, they called a number for someone that has the same name as my best friend....
....and then I called my best friend later that day to tell her about the dream I had earlier that day....
TRIPPY....
~~~~~~~~~~
January 1, 2008
Don't remember a lot of details from my dreams last night, but it is interesting what stuck with me all day...
1st - I dreamed my best friend was a nun. She looked like she looked in pictures she has shown me when she was much younger... like what she looked like when she was late teens to early 20's. She wore a dark purple habit with a style that sort of reminds me of the one that Mary Tyler Moore wore in 'Change of Habit', only it didn't have that big of a white collar around the neck. What was odd about the dream though was that her head, not her face though, was over twice the size of a normal head. It didn't seem to be about ego, because she was very humble and helpful to others, and in the dream she was making efforts to try and hide and minimize her head as much as possible with the dark purple habit. But, the size of her head could not be hidden even under the habit she was wearing. I think it had more to do with wisdom on her part.
2nd - later on I dreamed I was like a trans-gendered person. On the outside, I looked like a really tall model like woman, but inside, I was really a male. Because of this, I decided to try and use the men's bathroom, even though I was dressed in a dress and heels and all. Once I was in the bathroom, I realized that it only had two stalls, and both were occupied. I decided to wait. In the left stall, I observed the feet of what looked like a very large man. He was grunting and seemed extremely constipated. I realized he was going to take a loooong time before he was done and decided didn't really want to wait that long. I switched my attention to the stall on the right, and observed the feet of a thin man, that somehow I knew was gay (not trans-gendered...but, gay...like how I knew that, I do not know). Anyway, this guy, to put it as nice as I can, had the opposite problem. I remembering thinking about how his lifestyle may have been the source of his problem...and well, the sounds that were coming from his stall started making me sick. I decided that I wouldn't want to really use the stall of this guy once he was done with what he was doing....so, I decided to leave and find a more comfortable place to 'relieve' myself. Yeah, it was kind of an icky, but for some reason, telling dream. What it was telling though, I do not know...but, I guess if I can still remember this much of it almost a day later...
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